Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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