your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
