THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
