No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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