I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
