Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
