Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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