It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
