My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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