I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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