Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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