I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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