I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
false alarm, still single
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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