when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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