I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
