I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
