god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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