"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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