sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
