we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
