I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
