I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
