my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
