Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize