Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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