remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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