i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
