dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
