it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
