I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
