It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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