Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have demons in me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
