How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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