I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
