when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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