I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
