Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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