If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
