watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
