my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
