You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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