I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize