saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
