Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Houston, we have a blender
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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