I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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