A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize