oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
