i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
