he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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