Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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