margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize