Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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