john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
