In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
