I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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