dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
