i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
