so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize