If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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