Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
