smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
