my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
