after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize