Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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