I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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