I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
