You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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