we're blogging at a bar
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
